On the Coward Robert Ford
by BluEyedGrl105
Summary: A series of drabbles and ficlets on Bobby Ford.
1. Trapdoor

Up until this point Ford's fling with Langston - read: not _affair_, it's not like she was married to the guy (and trust him, he knows what an _affair_ looks like, and its nothing like this High School drama) - had been something of a revolving door.

She opens a door to find him standing there - ever so patiently - as if he had some supernatural understanding of exactly the next moment she would want to leave her gilded cage, with that trademark smirk on his face. A few more trips around the merry-go-round and it's his turn to slam a door, not with physical force, but with the hint that he may never open it again lingering behind. That always works.

(He tells himself its because she needs him and while he doesn't truly believe that, it does the job of easing his mind.)

Then she catches onto his arrogance and slams one of their doors in a self-righteous huff. Inevitably though, she follows her queue and reappears behind another one. He can always rely on her for that. That's the beauty of revolving doors: they never go anywhere.

It's like an affair in the way it all takes place behind closed doors: the door of a hotel room, his office, and his bedroom when his roommates aren't around. At one point he had to hide behind her closet door until the boyfriend finally leaves. For a moment there he was afraid he'd let his life become a parody of an R-Kelly song. But that's all part of the thrill.

Now though, Marco has opened the door right at the moment they kiss – because, of course, when _else_ would he open the damn door? He tries throwing Langston every lifeline he can think of: "it was just a kiss, man!" But she doesn't take any of them, at least not with any real gusto (after all she's a writer, not an actress.) It's all teen movie predictable with lots of crying and Marco decking him until Langston decides that _now_ would be the perfect time to throw their script to wind and ad libs, "you said you loved me!"

Well, yeah, he did but – but…He completely lost track of where this was going. All of a sudden he sees Marco - really _sees_ him, with his bloody fist and tears in his eyes, and Langston in her sexy black and red prom dress suddenly looks like she's playing dress up. They both look as if a tornado hit them that was too preoccupied slashing their souls to ruin there meticulously arranged outfits. And he did that.

He makes to grab for a beer but really hides behind the fridge door for a few seconds. The mindless white light shields him from their horrifying image. "You said you loved me," she repeats. This time there's an edge of anger in her voice he doesn't recognize.

He still won't throw away the script – he just won't.

"We said a lot of things we didn't mean" is what he finally says to her. He preserves his cool, casual demeanor in the face of her black and red monstrosity. As he continues on his speech about how the thrill is gone and he never promised her anything anyway, he pretends not to see the storm of rage building underneath her rigid surface. He knows he hurt her more than she could ever hurt him – but, its not like she didn't know what she was getting into.

She opened a door she was never supposed to open.


	2. James, Part 1

He doesn't know how pregnant his Mom is in numbers, but he knows she has gotten pretty big – like, big enough to have trouble getting up off the couch without his help. She says his little brother should be here a little bit before Halloween and right now there is only two weeks left of summer vacation. He forgets what month that's called. Its all summer to him, and summer means trips to the water park and begging Dad for a dollar when the Ice Cream Man comes (Dad says Mom isn't allowed to have money, which doesn't make sense because Mom is the one that's usually home when the Ice Cream Man comes, but Bobby doesn't say anything about this.) Mostly though, summer is Mom tinted blue in the TV screen light, sprawled on the couch nearest to the fan. They're both stuck in this living room with the shades drawn down and all the doors shut in a desperate attempt to keep the cool air in. Outside, he can hear his friends playing.

But he won't budge from the narrow strip of couch he has claimed for himself. His hand has been fastened on the tight ball of her abdomen for what feels like hours – waiting, waiting, waiting - and Mom with the remote, clicking, clicking, clicking. "Bobby, go outside!" she'll sigh exasperatedly between clicks, as if she expects him to actually listen this time. "You can't stay inside all day" she continues on feelingly, but her eyes don't quite leave the TV screen. He remains seated and she keeps on with her clicking. They both know this is where they want to be.

The first time he felt his little brother kick – and it is a brother, he doesn't need anyone to tell him that to know it's true - was in March, in the week between his and Mom's birthdays. (One of Mom's weird friends said having birthdays a week a part means he's an Aries and Mom's a Pisces and "oh my gawd, that explains everything!" He didn't know what bullshit she was going on about and told her so.) It felt like a real foot about the size of his fist with five toes and everything. He doesn't know why he expected it to be something more mysterious, but there it was – a real foot, attached to a real, tiny person.

After that he followed Mom around everywhere asking if the baby was kicking again. "Not yet" she would always say with a coy smile, but as soon as Dad got home from work and washed the grease off his hands she would sit down in the kitchen and exclaim, "the baby's kicking!" like she had just spotted a fire in the third row of a movie theatre. "He knows you're home Dad!" Bobby would say and Dad would smile wistfully from his usual spot, against the counter with a beer in his hand. Sometimes - or maybe it was just that one time, but still… - Dad put his beer down and used his mammoth hand to gently guide Bobby's to the exact spot his baby brother was kicking.

That was kinda cool.

He can't ever tell Mom this, but sometimes he can't wait until Dad gets home so he rests his hand on her stomach when she's taking one of her naps. He makes sure to poke her a few times to make sure she's really asleep and if she's not he always has a good backup lie (that's one of the things he'll be sure to teach his brother: always have a good lie.) Once he knows Mom is definitely asleep Bobby starts talking to him.

At first it was just about the Jets and his new transformer toy he _might_ let him play with if he promises not to get any baby drool on it, but then he starts telling him about Mom and Dad too. About how Mom cries a lot and Dad yells, how sometimes Mom will start muttering to herself in Spanish and Dad will tell her to "SHUT UP" because "it's not real Spanish!" Yeah, Bobby doesn't know what real Spanish is either. But don't worry. Once he comes everything will be okay. Bobby doesn't need anyone to tell him that to know its true.


	3. James, Part 2

**A/N: In case you haven't already noticed this is told from the perspective of a five-year-old Ford. **

**Also, this didn't end the way I originally planned it to. I quickly realized while writing part two that my original ending required showing the disintegration of Inez/Eddie which could easily become its own chapter - or two. Not to mention how draining it would be to write, but I know in exploring Ford's character it is both necessary and inevitable so expect that story in a few chapters or so. **

Finally, Mom's clicking comes to an abrupt stop. Inevitably she arrives at the same place all her mindless clicking leads to, the old movie channel. Maybe its because their TV has poor reception, or the film is just that old, but the picture is really grainy. The rough copy makes all the colors stand out: the lead actor's red jacket, the Pretty Girl's yellow sweater, the bright red car falling off into the cliff. Bobby hates the black and white movies on this channel but he loves when the colors pop out like this. Mom explains that the movie is "Rebel Without a Cause" and the actor is James Dean.

"Mom, I want a red jacket like that one," he announces. Like most five-year- olds' comments it dances between a request and a command. "You'd look very cute in that jacket," she singsongs back. His eyes are still peeled to the screen but he can hear the smile in her voice. A flicker of hope sparks in his chest until he remembers…"But Dad said we don't have money for new school clothes." This time, his comment is met with silence. On the screen James Dean and his two friends enter a dark deserted mansion and make believe they're a family (he doesn't get it - big kids… playing make believe?)

After a few more moments he tears himself away from the curiosity to examine his mother's reaction. For a second he sees a face he is only familiar with from peeking through the crack of his bedroom door when his parents think he's asleep, a face creased with worry and much older than his real Mom could ever be. In the blue TV light her face looks more untouchable than in any of his after-bedtime glimpses. But it only lasts a second. "Don't worry about that," she nudges his back playfully with her knee. "I'll handle your father."

It doesn't matter. He won't worry about anything because right now the Pretty Girl is on screen humming a lullaby to James. His head is resting in her lap, and while she is all tenderness, he looks almost uninterested. Bobby figures that must be how he's supposed to look. "_I love somebody," _she says softly, almost disbelievingly._ "All the time I've been... I've been looking for someone to love me. And now I love somebody." _Her brown eyes light up at the realization:_ "And it's so easy!_"

Instinctively he turns to look at his Mom - and then just as quickly wishes he hadn't because she has that far away look she gets sometimes, eyes shining with unshed tears. Just as Bobby is starting to panic (trying to stop Mom from crying is like trying to stop a gushing bullet wound with a sock) her mouth shifts into a perfect 'O' shape of surprise. Her right hand clutches her stomach and the other pulls Bobby's hand to her. _Kick_. They lock eyes. _Kick_. Mom smiles, eyes alert and dry, and Bobby feels the exact same smile materialize on his face. This is the first time they're both feeling the baby kick without Dad around.

"He likes the movie," Bobby says, trying to sound authoritative, but it's hard with the smile on his face.

"He likes the movie," Mom repeats in agreement.

They stay like that for a while, smiling in the dark with only the sounds of the fan buzzing and James Dean's voice in the background.

His baby brother comes a little bit before Halloween, just like Mom said he would. "We decided to name him James" Mom tells him as she hands him the bundle for the first time. Right then he's pretty sure he would have dropped him if Mom's arm hadn't still been there. In reply to his surprise she says, "sorry, but your Dad and I agreed that Optimus Prime was too long."

She smiles her coy smile just for him.

Dad almost never calls his brother by his first name. It's either simply "him" or "the baby."

For Christmas that year he only got "Terminator 2" on video and a red jacket.

Best. Christmas. Ever.


	4. BrownEyed Girl

**A/N: This is my version of the Ford/Jess baby. How AU this chapter is depends on how the paternity and gender of Jess' baby plays out. I tried to keep it vague to focus on the character (Ford genes in the Buchanan family) than on ever shifting storylines and custody arrangements. **

**I woke up at 4 a.m., typed this up in 20 minutes and then went back to bed. My mind works in mysterious ways. **

She's not like them.

The rest of the family are all morning birds, alert and chirping over breakfast, while she can't fathom the point of getting up before noon on a Saturday. They like fishing trips, hikes and the cabin in the woods. She dreams of lazy, sunny California. As Grandpa Clint shows Bree how to load a shotgun she sits on a rock nearby, completely engrossed in the latest issue of _Crimson_. On Mother's Day Grandma, Mom and Bree all vote to see the latest romantic comedy where the girl goes to Rome, or wherever, to "find herself" she whines a little bit (okay, a lot) about how she's missing "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" at the rialto in the name of family.

"Why would I want to be a journalist?" she asks Grandma Vicki who has just seen her A + in AP English "sticking to the facts is boring." Jessica will never admit it but it scares her how good a liar her youngest daughter is on the fly, without even blinking. Matthew thinks she has the "killer instinct" for business until he finds out how terrible she is at math (and how she spends most of her work hours flirting with the intern who delivers his coffee.) No loss. That job and her AP classes left no time to sneak into movies with her friends.

All her friends will swear she's the most self-absorbed person they've ever met until a week later she mentions something that proves she had, in fact, been listening the whole time.

Bree nicknames her "P-p-p-p-oker face," because no one can guess what she's feeling unless she wants to show it. In 9th grade the boys at camp will nickname her poker face too, but for different reasons - all of which she will spend the rest of high school trying to live down. In kindergarten her Mother gets called down to talk to her teachers about her playing "doctor" a bit too eagerly and often.

"This never happened with your sister," Mom will say when in the 2nd grade she put glue in Sierra Fish's hair. It was because Sierra said Bree acted like a snob in ballet class. Another thing that never happened with Bree is listening carefully when her Mom spells words out and then yells – loudly, and in public- what she has deciphered: "you spelled Mitch again! Why won't you tell me who that is!"

In their childhood she and Bree fight more than any other Buchanan siblings in family history: gulf clubs are flung, Barbie dolls are dismembered and expensive laptops are crashed (both physically and technologically.) But they share an unspoken understanding if anyone else treats their sister the same way that person will feel their combined wrath.

When they get into that car crash with a drunk Jamie Vega they're all equally banged up, but she recovers the fastest. "I always knew you had a hard head," Hope jokes during one of her visits. She'll never have to rent a room at Shady Brook (and deep down she knows they're all jealous of her for that. Good. For once she has something to hang over their perfect, blonde heads besides her grades.)

Her eyes are brown.

Somehow, that's the most baffling dissimilarity of all. And it's the one she can't ever do anything about.


End file.
